Rewrite the Script · Leadership and work
You Can’t Lead From an Empty Pitcher
You can tip an empty pitcher farther, shake it, turn it upside down. Eventually there is nothing left to give. On stewardship, wilderness seasons, and the difference between a good opportunity and your actual assignment.
Have you ever tried to pour from an empty pitcher? You can tip it farther, shake it, turn it upside down, and hope there is just a little more left, but eventually there is nothing else to give.
I think that is what happens to us in certain seasons of life. We keep pushing, trying, adjusting, reaching, helping, solving, and looking for the next thing that might work. From the outside, it can look like determination, and sometimes it is. But sometimes it is also a sign that we have been pouring in too many directions for too long.
When I look back over the last couple of years, I realize that I have been living this lesson in a very personal way.
I Kept Showing Up
One thing I can say about the last couple of years is that I kept showing up. No matter what changed, what disappeared, what did not work the way I expected, or how uncertain I felt about what came next, I kept moving.
A big reason for that was Isaiah 30:21 (NIV) states: "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ’This is the way; walk in it.’" That verse became very personal to me because I believed that even when I could not see the whole road, God would show me the next step. My responsibility was to keep listening and keep walking.
So that is what I did.
When coaching seemed to be pulled out from under me, I kept walking. When opportunities changed, I kept walking. When things did not develop the way I hoped, I kept walking. I believed God did not need me to know the entire plan. He needed me to be willing to take the next step.
That is where another phrase I use so often became very real for me: God does the how. You do the do.
I did the do. I showed up, tried, learned, adjusted, and kept putting one foot in front of the other because I did not want disappointment or uncertainty to make me stop walking altogether.
Looking back, though, I think there was something else God was teaching me through Isaiah 30:21. The verse does not simply say, "Keep walking." It says, "Whether you turn to the right or the left, you will hear a voice..."
Yes! There is movement before direction, but there IS direction. I became very good at the walking part. What I am learning now is that sometimes I also need to become quiet enough to hear, "This is the way, walk in it"
I Was Walking Through a Wilderness Season
Coaching had been such a significant part of who I was and what I believed I was called to do, and when that work seemed to change, it felt like the ground had shifted underneath me. I still believed God had a plan, but if I am honest, I did not know what that plan looked like anymore.
So I started reaching in a lot of directions.
I was coaching when opportunities came. I was working in the salon. I was building ideas around hair and scalp services. I was writing, teaching, developing faith-based resources, thinking about business opportunities, helping other people with their businesses, taking care of home and family, spending time with my grands, and constantly asking myself some version of, "Is this it? Is this the thing that is finally going to work?"
At the same time, there were things happening that reminded me that God was still using me.
One of those was my work with WSAV3 and Monday Motivation. Week after week, I had the opportunity to encourage people, share perspective, and talk about the things that help us grow and keep moving forward.
At the time, I do not think I fully connected it to everything else.
Now I do.
A television studio looked very different from a coaching session. It looked different from a church. It certainly looked different from the salon. Yet when I look at what I was actually doing, the thread was still there.
I was encouraging people.
I was teaching.
I was helping people think differently.
I was speaking into leadership, life, faith, and growth.
The room changed, but the assignment kept showing up.
Then Life Became Even More Personal
During this same season, I also lost my mother.
There are some losses that do not fit neatly into a business story or a leadership lesson. They just change you.
My mother’s death became part of this wilderness too. I was still showing up, still working, still writing, still trying to figure out where God was leading, while also carrying grief.
There is something she said to me the year before she died that I keep coming back to.
She told me, "Don’t give up on your coaching. You are a difference maker."
At the time, they were encouraging words from my mom. Today they mean something different.
They feel almost like a marker along the road.
When I was questioning whether coaching still belonged in my future, she saw something I was struggling to see. She was reminding me that the value was not simply in whether the business was flourishing at that exact moment. She saw the impact.
She saw the assignment.
Sometimes the people who know us best can see the thread in our lives before we can.
Have you ever had someone say something about you that stayed with you for years? Maybe they recognized a gift, a strength, or something God had placed in you that you had started to dismiss because life was not going the way you expected.
Those words may be worth revisiting.
I Was Not Just Busy. I Was Looking for Stability.
That is one of the biggest realizations I have had.
None of the things I was doing were necessarily bad. Many of them were good things, which made it harder to recognize what was happening.
I was not just busy.
I was looking for stability.
Have you ever done that? Something you counted on changes, and suddenly you start looking in every direction for something solid to grab onto.
The best analogy I can think of is being in deep water and reaching for anything close enough to hold onto. You are not necessarily making bad choices. You are just trying to find something that feels steady again.
Then Kapyderm changed, and another thing I had invested time, money, hope, and energy into suddenly became unstable. It felt like another layer of uncertainty at a time when I was already trying to figure out where I belonged.
When the ground keeps shifting, you can start moving faster. You think maybe the answer is another idea, another opportunity, another business direction, another project, or another plan.
But I am learning something: constant movement is not always progress.
Sometimes movement is just movement.
The Pitcher Wasn’t Just Empty. I Was Pouring Everywhere.
For a long time, I thought the problem was simply that I was tired.
Now I think it was deeper than that.
Imagine having one small pitcher and ten plants scattered around your house. You walk from plant to plant pouring a little water into each one. A little here, a little there, a little somewhere else.
Before long, the pitcher is empty, and when you stand back, you realize none of the plants received enough water to truly thrive.
That is what the last couple of years have sometimes felt like for me. I was pouring into coaching, faith, business ideas, salon work, hair and scalp, writing, television, ministry, home, family, grief, and everything in between.
Every area got something, but I was so divided that I often felt like nothing was really gaining traction.
Have you ever had a season like that? You are doing so much, yet at the end of the day you cannot point to the one thing you are really building.
That kind of exhaustion is different. It is not just physical tiredness. It is the mental and emotional exhaustion that comes from carrying too many directions in your head and too many responsibilities in your heart at the same time.
Exhaustion Is Not Always Proof of Faithfulness
There can be a subtle belief among strong leaders that being tired means we are doing enough. If everyone needs us, if the schedule is full, and if we are constantly carrying something for someone else, we can begin to see exhaustion as evidence that we are valuable.
But Scripture does not teach us that depletion is the goal.
In Mark 6:31, Jesus told His disciples, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." What makes that passage so meaningful is that the need had not disappeared.
People were still coming. There was still work to do, and there were still people to serve. Jesus did not tell them to rest because everything was finished. He told them to rest because they needed it.
That matters for those of us who keep telling ourselves, "I’ll slow down when things calm down," because something is almost always going to be happening. There will always be another email, another client, another family need, another problem, and another thing that feels urgent.
If we wait until there is nothing left to do, we may never rest at all.
Luke 5:16 tells us that Jesus often withdrew to pray. The word often matters because this was not an emergency response to burnout. Withdrawal, prayer, and restoration were part of His rhythm.
Maybe the Problem Is Not Your Capacity
Think about your phone for a minute.
If your battery is at 3%, you probably do not yell at the phone and tell it to work harder. You plug it in.
Yet we can run ourselves down to almost nothing and respond by trying to become more disciplined, more productive, more efficient, and more available.
Maybe you are not failing. Maybe you are depleted.
Or maybe, like me, you simply have too many things plugged into the same outlet.
There is only so much energy, attention, creativity, and emotional capacity available in a day. When everything is drawing from the same source, eventually something trips the breaker.
So perhaps the question is not always, "How do I increase my capacity?"
Maybe the better question is, "What needs to be unplugged?"
A Good Opportunity Is Not Always Your Assignment
This has become one of the biggest lessons for me.
We tend to ask whether something is good or bad, but maybe that is not always the right question.
What if the better question is, "Is this mine?"
There are many good things I could do. There are many people I could help, projects I could build, businesses I could participate in, and opportunities I could pursue.
But being capable of doing something does not automatically mean God has assigned it to me.
Sometimes we say yes because we are needed. Sometimes we take something on because we are good at it. Sometimes a new opportunity appears and immediately starts pulling on our attention.
Those things are not necessarily wrong, but eventually we have to ask whether our lives are becoming a collection of good opportunities or a reflection of our actual assignment.
Maybe the Assignment Never Changed
Through all of this, there has been one thing I have never really stopped believing. I have always felt called to develop leaders for the front line --- leaders who can walk into real workplaces, real families, real businesses, real churches, and real challenges while still walking closely with God.
For a long time, though, I think I was trying to figure out exactly where that assignment belonged. Was it coaching? Was it ministry? Was it business? Was it television? Was it the salon? Was it leadership training?
I kept moving forward, trusting Isaiah 30:21 and listening for, "This is the way; walk in it," but I was still trying to figure out which room I was supposed to be in.
Maybe that was the question I had wrong.
Over the last couple of years, I have walked into a lot of different rooms. I have coached people, sat in a television studio, worked beside salon professionals, helped business owners solve problems, written about faith, taught Scripture, worked with leaders, sat with people trying to find their direction, and navigated plenty of uncertainty of my own.
Somewhere in all of that, I think God finally made something very simple clear to me:
The room was never the assignment.
The assignment goes with me.
Whether it is church on Sunday or the boardroom on Monday, I am still called to help people grow, lead well, make wiser decisions, and become who God created them to be. The conversation may sound different depending on the room, but the foundation does not change.
That realization has brought me a sense of balance I have not felt in a while.
I no longer feel like I have to choose between faith and leadership, ministry and business, or helping someone spiritually and helping someone professionally. Maybe those things were never supposed to be separated in the first place.
A leader does not stop being a person of faith when Monday morning comes.
The business owner still needs wisdom. The manager still needs patience. The employee still needs integrity. The entrepreneur still needs discernment. The mother leading her family still needs courage, and the ministry leader still needs accountability.
We do not become different people depending on which door we walk through.
And neither does our assignment.
Maybe Nothing Was Wasted
That realization has changed the way I look at the last two years.
Maybe every direction was not wasted.
Maybe the salon taught me something about front-line leadership. Maybe business challenges taught me something about resilience. Maybe Kapyderm taught me something about holding opportunities loosely. Maybe WSAV reminded me that teaching and encouragement can happen in places I never expected. Maybe losing my mom taught me something about grief, legacy, and the importance of the words we speak into people while we still have the opportunity.
Maybe coaching reminded me what I love most, while writing and teaching strengthened the faith foundation underneath all of it.
The pieces may have looked disconnected while I was living them, but now I can see a thread running through them.
Develop leaders. Help people find clarity. Bring faith into the decisions we make every day. Walk closely with God and help others learn to do the same.
That is the assignment.
The location can change. The audience can change. The title can change.
But the assignment can remain the same.
And when I hear my mom’s words now --- "Don’t give up on your coaching. You are a difference maker" --- I think maybe she was reminding me of something bigger than a business.
Do not give up on the assignment.
Stop Digging Up the Seed
There is another lesson I think God is teaching me right now, and it may be one of the hardest.
I need to stay committed to something long enough to see what God will do with it.
A farmer does not plant a seed on Monday, dig it up on Wednesday to see if it is working, move it somewhere else on Friday, and then complain that nothing is growing.
At some point, the seed has to stay in the ground.
It has to be watered, tended, protected, and given time.
I think I have spent some seasons digging up the seed. When something did not produce quickly enough, I wondered whether I should change direction. When another opportunity appeared, I wondered whether maybe that was the answer. When something became difficult, I wondered if I had missed God.
Maybe you have done that too.
How quickly do you abandon something when you do not see immediate results? How often do you confuse slow growth with no growth?
Sometimes faith looks like planting, and sometimes faith looks like watering. There are also times when faith looks like leaving the seed alone long enough for God to do something underneath the surface that you cannot see yet.
How Do You Discover Your Assignment?
Once I started seeing the thread in my own life, I began wondering how many other people are searching for an assignment that God has already been revealing to them.
We can make calling complicated. We look for a title, a position, a business, a ministry, or one perfect opportunity that will finally tell us, "This is what you are supposed to do."
But sometimes the assignment is not hidden behind a door we have not opened yet. Sometimes it has been showing up in different rooms for years.
1. Look for the thread, not just the title
Think back over the last five or ten years. What keeps showing up?
Maybe your job titles have changed, but you are always the person developing people. Maybe you naturally bring order to chaos. Maybe people come to you when they need encouragement, wisdom, strategy, teaching, problem-solving, or someone who will tell them the truth with love.
Ask yourself, "What have I consistently been doing, even when nobody gave me an official title for it?" Then ask, "What kind of problem do people naturally bring to me?"
The setting may change while the thread stays the same.
2. Listen again to what trusted people have seen in you
Sometimes we dismiss things about ourselves because they seem ordinary to us.
Other people often notice them first.
Who has spoken into your life over the years? What have people consistently told you that you are good at? What have people thanked you for that you thought was "just something I do"?
My mom’s words stayed with me because she saw something beyond whether coaching was financially successful at that exact moment. She saw that I made a difference.
Think about the people who know your heart, your character, and your history. What have they consistently seen in you?
Their words do not replace God’s direction, but sometimes they confirm a thread He has already been showing you.
3. Separate your assignment from the place where you do it
We can start believing that our assignment is our job, our ministry, our company, or our position. Then when that changes, we feel as though we have lost our purpose.
But what if the place is simply the container?
Think about water. You can pour the same water into a glass, a pitcher, a bottle, or a bowl. The container changes, but the water is still water.
Ask yourself, "If my title disappeared tomorrow, what would still be true about the way I help people?"
That answer may tell you more about your assignment than your business card does.
4. Pay attention to what bothers you enough to act
Sometimes our assignment hides inside the things we cannot simply walk past.
What problem gets your attention over and over again? What do you see happening and immediately think, Somebody needs to do something about that?
Maybe you hate seeing people overlooked. Maybe poor leadership bothers you deeply. Maybe you cannot stand watching talented people doubt themselves.
Not every frustration is a calling, but some burdens keep returning.
Ask yourself, "What do I care about even when nobody is paying me to care about it?"
There may be a clue there.
5. Look at what God has already put in your hands
We sometimes ask God for the next thing while overlooking what He has already given us.
Think about your experience, education, relationships, skills, personality, failures, victories, and even the difficult seasons you would never have chosen.
Moses had a staff in his hand. David already knew how to use a sling. The disciples had a few loaves and fish. Over and over in Scripture, God begins with something that is already present.
Ask yourself, "What is already in my hand?"
What have you learned through your work? What do you know because of what you have survived? What skill have you developed without realizing how valuable it is?
Your assignment may not require becoming an entirely different person. It may require recognizing what God has already been developing in you.
6. Look at where your gifts and other people’s needs intersect
A flashlight is useful because it shines into darkness. A key matters because there is a lock somewhere that needs opening.
Our gifts become meaningful when they meet a real need.
Who are the people you feel especially drawn to help? What changes after you have worked with them? What do they understand, believe, accomplish, or see differently because you were there?
Ask yourself, "Who becomes stronger when I use my gifts well?"
You may begin seeing your assignment more clearly when you connect what God has put in you with who He continually puts in front of you.
7. Get quiet enough to hear, "This is the way"
This may be one of the hardest practical steps because it does not feel very productive.
Stop, pray, and listen.
Isaiah 30:21 has carried me through some difficult seasons: "This is the way; walk in it." But I am learning that I cannot spend all my time walking and never make room to hear the direction.
Take a notebook and ask God some specific questions. What are You asking me to carry in this season? What am I carrying that You never asked me to pick up? What keeps showing up in my life that I may have dismissed because it looked too ordinary? Where have You already been producing fruit?
Then resist the urge to manufacture an immediate answer.
Sometimes clarity comes slowly.
8. Choose a direction and stay there long enough to see fruit
At some point, discernment has to become commitment.
You cannot spend your entire life standing at an intersection asking God which road to take. Eventually, you have to choose the direction you believe He is leading and start walking.
Then give it time.
Faithfulness does not mean stubbornly refusing every redirection. God can absolutely change our course.
But there is a difference between being redirected and being restless.
Sometimes we need enough faith to change direction.
Other times we need enough faith to stay.
Maybe Balance Is Not Doing Everything Well
I used to think balance meant finding a way to successfully manage everything.
Now I am not so sure.
Maybe balance is not giving equal attention to every possible area of your life. Maybe balance is knowing what season you are in, what God is asking from you in that season, and having the courage to let some things receive less of your attention.
Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is a season for everything, and that means not everything belongs in every season.
For me, I think I am beginning to find my way back to a clearer center: coaching, leadership, writing, faith, and helping people find clarity, confidence, and direction while keeping God at the center of the conversation.
I cannot promise exactly where that road will lead.
But I can choose to stay on it long enough to find out.
That may be one of the biggest lessons of my wilderness season.
What Has God Asked You to Carry?
Maybe that is the question I want to leave you with.
What has God actually asked you to carry?
Not what could you do. Not what are you capable of doing. Not what opportunities are available.
What is yours?
What is the thread that keeps showing up in your life? Who has seen something in you that you may have forgotten? What have you been pouring into simply because you are afraid to let it go?
Have you been changing directions because God is redirecting you, or because you are anxious that the current direction is taking too long?
What would happen if you stopped asking, "What else could I do?" and started asking, "What has God already put in my hands?"
And perhaps the hardest question of all is this: What would it look like to stay planted long enough to see what grows?
You cannot lead from an empty pitcher. But you also cannot grow much when you keep pouring a few drops in every direction.
Sometimes stewardship means rest. Sometimes stewardship means saying no. Sometimes stewardship means letting go of something that once made sense.
And sometimes stewardship simply means choosing where you are going to pour and staying there long enough for something to grow.
I know how to keep showing up. I know how to keep moving, and I am grateful that I did not stop walking through the wilderness.
What I think God may be teaching me now is how to keep showing up in the same direction long enough to see what He does with it.
Maybe Mom was right.
Maybe the assignment was there all along.